The end of the year always spells the blues for me. It’s been a pattern for most of my life to start wallowing in self-doubt and struggle to gain a fraction back of my usual optimism during this quarter of the year. It’s the three month stretch which includes that of the New Year, Chinese New Year and my birthday which forces one to stop and ponder one’s progression and growth in life.
I was sitting at a bar a couple of nights ago with my friends, sipping at a glass of coke and wondering aloud to them why the end of the year proves to be such a pain to get through; and so my friend says “You need patience, the month of December is always when things start to slow down. Do not get impatient and hasty as a result.” How logical but then again, I have never been great friends with logic.
I have come to realize that I am akin to that of a kite; I soar with ease on the winds of change and nothing is more exhilarating than working hard and riding a large gale but when the inertia has died down, I find my lack of real ambition doesn’t keep me up in the skies and I dwindle confused and spinning back to earthly oblivion, crashing into the ground. The slowing of work this month has left me short of wind and filled with panic.
I am not who I used to be it seems; true, I was an emotional wreck who wore her heart on her sleeves and expressed joy as furiously as I expressed my rage. A whirlwind of emotions then, I am now a rather even-tempered creature who I find relatively heartless compared to the person who wept oceans and flung tears about in expression of her pain and joy. Sometimes, I still wonder where that emotional extremity has gone.
To be fair to myself, I have had a relatively smooth sailing year; job-wise, I have managed to get myself a pretty good job; friendship-wise, old is gold; love-wise, still single but with no heartbreaks; soul-wise, a tad repressed but happier than ever. So I guess; my wishes for the New Year should be to moderate myself a little more; to grow in a wholesome and, as I like to call it, “well-adjusted” manner.
So “Ho Ho Ho!!” my friends, have a Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, in all sense of the words. I wish you peace, health and joy in the months ahead. 
